Height of insult ... ;) .

Height of insult ... ;)
.
.
.
Patni - Khidki Me Parde Lagwa Do....
Naya Padosi Mujhe Dekhne Ki Koshish Karta Hai.
Pati - 1 Baar Theek Se Dekh LeneDe.
Wo Khud hi Parde Lagwa lege. ... :D:O :p

Mai saala chutiya ullu ka pattha :

Ek ladka apni pados ki Aunty ko
ghar chorhne gaya .
.
Aunty ne bola - Beta raat bohot
ho gai hai, tum
yahi BITTU ke kamre me so jao.!
.
.
Ladka bola - nahi Aunty me yahin
SOFA par so jaunga
.
.
Agle din Subah ek Bohot hi
Sundar
ladki CHAI le kar aai .
.
.
Ladka - Aap kaun ho.......??
.
.
Ladki - Me BITTU. Aap kaun.....??
.
Ladka - Mai saala chutiya ullu ka
pattha :P =D :D =)

FUCK OFF

Americans invented a machine 2 catch thieves..

Test started ....

America: In 30 mins, 50 caught

London: In 30 mins, 70 caught

Spain: In 30 mins 100 caught

India: In 15 min,

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"the Machine itself got stolen!" ;)



Obama:- "Can U Swim???"
Rajnikant:- "No "

Obama:- "Dog is Better than U bcz it
Swims..."
Rajnikant: Can U Swim ?

Obama:-"Yes"
Rajnikant:- Then "whats the Difference between U & Dog ..:P
Obama Shocks
Rajni Rocks....
:p :D

gandhi ji to chale gaye

santa 500 k note pr likha number dial kr rha tha

banta- ye tum kya
kr rahe ho?

Santa- yar me dekh raha hu gandhi ji to chale gaye par unka
mobile kiske pas hai :P

Height of Flirting:-

Height of Flirting:-

Girl calls a boy:
Girl: Hello baby

Boy: Ohh janu bolo
Girl: Kahan ho yar subah se koi ata pata nahi!

Boy: Are hum to khoye hue hain aapki aankhon me..
Girl: Abhi kya kar rahe ho........??

Boy: tumhari pic dekh raha hun, kahin aur man hi nahi lag raha..
Girl: Maine to tumhe koi pic di hi nahi!!

Boy: Are mere dil me chapi hai barson se..
Girl: But hum to parson hi mile hain!!

Boy: Tumhare bina har ek pal barson hai Pinky....
Girl: Pinky...?? Ye pinky kaun hai ?? main to nisha hu

Boy: Tumse baat karke mai to sab bhul jata hun..
Girl: Tum prashant ho na....??

Boy: Gharwale to satya bulate hain, lekin wo galat ho sakte hain tum nahi..
Girl: Ye 998XXXXXX hai na....??

Boy: Ab tak nahi tha par ab se
yehi hai…=D :P :D :P

Kamine Friends...

Kamine Friends...

When im joking..
They take is seriously...

When im serious..
Nalayak has has ke feelings ki dhajiya uda dete hai...

Jet airways launched scaheme

 Jet airways launched scaheme where a husband can take his wife free on their business trip.

After big Success of the scheme.

Jet Airways sent letters to all wives asking about their experience?

99% wives replied
What scheme??
Which trip??
and
When was it??
;-)

Google is a girl or a boy..?

Teacher : Google is a girl or a boy..?
..
..
.
..
..
..
.

....
.

....
Student: Google is a Girl.....because it won't let you complete
the whole sentence and start guessing, suggesting.....and
you ask only one question.....
but get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds.. :P :P

,bike zarur dilaunga.

Dad-is baar pass ho ya fail,bike
zarur dilaunga.
.
.
SON-konsi bike? .
.
DAD-pass hue to 'pulsar' college
jaane ke liye . & . fail hue to
.
.
.
. .
'Rajdoot' doodh bechne ke liye :-
P =D

baap ko chodna mat sikha.

Teacher: “Johnny, “Tamso Ma Jyotir Gamya” Shalok Ka Kya Matlab Hai?”

Johnny: “Tum So Jao Maa, Main Jyoti Se Milne Jaa Raha Hoon“






Chuha ped pe chad gaya.

Monkey : ped pe kyun aaya.

Chuha : arre chiku khane aya hu yaar.

Monkey : chodu ye toh aam ka ped hai.

Chuha : zindagi me ek baat yad rakhna bhosdike,

 majdoor ko khodna aur baap ko chodna mat sikha..
main chiku sath laya hu lavde..

dad has only 5 inch.

Suhgrat pe bivi ko pata chla ke pati ki 1 tang nakli hai usne Maa ko msg kiya

"Mom my husbnd has 1 Foot"
Mom rply-
xxx
"u r lucky beta,ur dad has only 5 inch.

Teri Maa Bhi Chud Jaye

Ek Din Kisi Party Mein Daaru Jyada Pee Lene Ki Vajah Se Ek Ladke Aur Ladki Mein Ladayi Ho Gayi
Ladki Boli:
“Mera Naam Hai Chikni,
Meri Choot Bhi Hai Chikni,
Pair Rakhe To Fisal Jaye
Tu To Kya Tera Baap Bhi Na Chod Paye”
Ladke Ne Jawab Diya:
“Mera Naam Hai Babbar Billu
Mera Lund Hai 56 Killo
Dharti Pe Rakho To Kunwa(Well) Khud Jaye
Tu To Kya Teri Maa Bhi Chud Jaye“

4 inch and 9 inch

Biology Teacher :4 inch is necessary for pregnancy. 

A girl asked : Madam, what about 9 inch? 

Teacher : I'm talking about necessary, Not luxury.. =D

GHOR KALYUG

" GHOR KALYUG KA EXAMPLE "
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SUHAGRAAT KE BAAD PATI APNI PATNI SE BOLA
PATI: ARE KHOON TOH NIKLA HI NAHI
.
.
.
PATNI NE GUSSE ME AAKAR JAWAB DIYA
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
PATNI: KYUN HARAMI TUNE ANDER TEER MARA THA KYA

Out Of My Ass.

A Husband And Wife Were In The Bathroom Getting Ready For Work When The Husband Looked At His Wife And Said.

Husband: “I Gotta Have You!”

He Backed Her Up Against The Bathroom Door, Pulled Down Her Panties And Ravaged Her.

He Knew He Was Doing Great Because She Screamed And Wiggled More Than She Ever Had Before.

When He Finished, He Started Putting His Clothes Back On And When He Noticed His Wife Still Writhing Against The Door

He Said: “That Was The Best, Honey. You’ve Never Moved Like That Before, You Didn’t Hurt Yourself Did You?”

His Wife Replies: “No, No. I’ll Be Ok Once I Can Get The Doorknob Out Of My Ass.“

FUCKING FATHER

Ek Bahut Kanjoos Aadmi Tha, Wo Apne Ladke Ko Kabhi Jeb Kharch Ke Liye Paise Nahi Deta Tha,

Ek Din Uska Apni Wife Ke Sath Sex Karne Ka Mood Bana, Lekin Ladka Ghar Mein Tha.

To Kanjoos Ne Ladke Ko 5 Rupaye Diye Aur Kaha Jao Agle Mohalle Wali Kariyane Ki Dukan Se Toffee Kha Aao,

Ladke Ko Shak Hua Ki Aaj Kaise Muje Paise Mil Gaye Jaroor Daal Mein Kuch Kala Hai.

Ladke Ne Dimag Lagaya Aur Ghar Se Nikal Kar Piche Ke Raste Se Chhat Par Chad Gaya Aur Parda Hata Kar Dekha To Ander Uske Mummy – Papa Sex Kar Rahe The.

Wahi Se Gujarte Ek Budhe Ne Dekha Ki Ek Bachha Chatt Par Khada Hai Kahi Gir Na Jaye To Vo Zor Se Chilla Kar Bola.

Aadmi: “Abe Bhonsdi Ke Neeche Utar Ja Varna Free Mein Maan Chud Jayegi”

Ladka Bhi Gusse Mein Bola: “Free Mein Nahi 5 Rupaye Mein Chud Rahi Hai“

Impossibilities in the world

Impossibilities in the world
1- you cant count your hair 
2- you cant wash your eyes with soap 
3- you cant breathe when your tongue is out 
4- please put your tongue inside
Stop acting like a dog =))

prapose through msg.

Ek ladke ne ek ladki ko
prapose kiya through msg..
.
Msg padhne k bad
Ladki ne 2 din me us se shadi
karli
Ye sochkar ki koi itna sara
pyar kaise kar sakta hai..
Socho ladke ne kya likha hoga
msg me.??
.
.
.
.
I love u utna
Engineering ka syllabus hai
jitna.. :p :D

Lesbian Means

Santa :"I love you. Mai tumse bohot pyar karta hoon
.
.
.
Girl :"I am lesbian
.
.
.
Santa :"Lesbian Means ???
.
.
.
Girl :"Jise ladkiyo mei interest ho
.
.
.
Santa :"De Taali !!! I am also a lesbian :D :p

FUCK OFF MAHNGAI

Kitni mehengai ho gayi h yaar -_-
.
.
98 ka net card ab 125 ka hogaya
.
.
35 ka msg card dalwao usme v 10 paise katte
hai...
.
.
Kuch to reham karo bhikari sim companiyo
hum students par...
.
.

Na koi income hai na koi rahis baap ki beti apni girlfriend hai [>_<]

Sunny Leone Ka Video

Modern Bhikhari: 
Uparwale Ke Naam Pe 10 Rupaye Dedo Baba..!!

Me:
Chutte Nahi Hai....>:/ 

Bhikhari:
Koi Baat Nahi Sunny Leone Ka Video Dikha Do Saab 1 Rupaye Wala =))

FUNNY PICS LOL!!!!!!!!







Shame!!! Shame!!!! commercial advertisement .

Shame!!! Shame!!!!
commercial
advertisement
.
.
.
Hamare desh me koi b comercial
advestise dekho to pata chalta hai
ke only ladki patao & nothing....
.LADKI PATANA Lets se
. Mobile qareedo ladk  patao
. Shampo use karo ladki patao
. Deodrant use karo ladki patao
. Perfume use karo ladki patao
. Coke pepsi sprite maaza ya koi b cold
    drink piyo ladki patao
. Shaving blade foam ya set qareedo ladki patao
. Chips khao ladki patao
. Sim card me curency dalo ladki patao
. Bike chalao ladki patao Had to us waqt hoti hai
    jab koi chaddi pehan kar ladki patata hai
.kya is desh me yahi ek kaam reh gaya
    hai naujawano ke liye

light nahi thi..

Teacher : aaj tune fir homework
kyon nahi
kiya?
Student = sir light nahi thi
.
T= to mombatti jla leta.
S= sir machis nahi utha sakta tha,
.
T= kyun be ?
S= sir puja k ghar me rakhi thi,
.
T= to uthayi kyon nahi ?
S= nahaya nahi tha sir,
.
T- sale nahaya kyon nahi tha?
S= paani nahi tha sir.
.
T= abbey, paani kyon nahi tha?
S -sir motar nahi chal rahi thi.
.
T = Sale ab motar ko kya hua?
Student - Abbey Saale Pagla gya
hai kya ....
kitni baar bolun ki light nahi thi...
Students Rock 

Taang Do haramkhorr Ko

Mujrim Ko Fansi Ki Saza Sunane Ke Baad Judge Ne
Us Se Puchha
Judge: “Koi Akhiri Khawish ??
.
.
Mujrim: “Aap Ki Beti Se Shaadi, Blackbery Bold,

Apple I- Phone, 100 Crore Rupaye, U.S.A Ka Visa, 2 Saal Ka Honeymoon Trip, 6-7 Bacche Jo Aapko Nana-Nana
Aur Mujhe Papa-Papa Kahe,

Aur Main Unki Shaadi Karwa
Doon, Uske Baad Aap Jo Bhi Faisla Doge Mujhe Manjoor Hoga'
.
.
.
.
Judge Zor Se Haste Hue Bola:“ abe saale Meri Koi Beti Hi Nahi Hai, Taang Do haramkhorr Ko
Abhi Ke Abhi":p :O :D

get yourself a drink,smoke,drugs

Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. 
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. 
Patient: I don't touch a drop. 
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. 
Patient: I don't smoke. 
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. 
Patient: I don't do drugs. 
Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. 
Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life. 
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends.

The least important word

"The six most important words: 
I admit I made a mistake. 

The five most important words: 
You did a good job. 

The four most important words:
What is YOUR opinion?

The three most important words:
If you please.

The two most important words:
Thank You.

The one most important word:
We.

The least important word:
'I'

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now.
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay!

Translating Women's English!

Translating Women's English!

Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
We need = I want.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

WTF Oxford !!!!!!!!!!!

MUNNA BHAI: Circuit, bole toh yeh
Ford kya hai?

CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.

MUNNA BHAI: Toh phir, yeh
Oxford kya hai?

CIRCUIT: Bole toh,

simple hai bhai,

Ox mane Bail,
Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh
Bailgaadi.:-:-P

WTF SHAKESPEARE Said ...!!

SHAKESPEARE Said ...!!

.

.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"Meri Maa ki Kasam Maine Itni Baate Nahi Kahi .........

Ye Log Khud Se hi Bana Bana Ke Kehte Hai .........

FUNNY ULTIMATE TRUTHS

FUNNY ULTIMATE TRUTHS :

1. Whenever I Find The Key To Success,
Someone Changes The Lock.

2. The Road To Success Is Always Under Construction ;)

3. In Order To Get A Loan,
You First Need To Prove That You Don't Need It :p

4. All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married :p

5. Once You Have Bought Something,
You Will Find The Same Item Being Sold Somewhere Else At A Cheaper Rate :D

Enjoy Life ! :)

THINK BIG, LIVE DIFFERENT

Ek Sach Chupa Hota Hai:-
Jab Koi Kisi Ko Kehta Hai Ki
"Mazak Tha Yaar"
.
.
Ek Feeling Chupi Hoti Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Mujhe Koi Farq Nahi Padta"
.
.
Ek Dard Chupa Hota Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Its Ok"
.
.
Ek Zarurat Chupi Hoti Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Mujhe Akela Chhod Do"
.
.
Ek Gehri Bat Chupi Hoti Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Pata Nahi"
.
.
Ek Samundar Chupa Hota Hai Bato Ka:-
Jab Koi
"Khamosh Rehta hai''

WTF TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) What r u doing? 
Ans. : Business 
Tax :PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX! 

2) What r u doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) From where r u getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) What r u getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax

5) Where u Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Do u have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8) Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

9) r u taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Where r u taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) r u going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Hav u taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) How come u got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Do u have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Hav u purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) How u Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

19) Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

20) Are you want growth of india.?
Ans: offcource Yes .

Pay electricity tax,wate tax, education tax, &other tax ,which is used by defulter people.

21) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!......
Jago indian jago....
varna yaha saans lene par bhi tax lagega....

A couple Fighting on phone

A couple Fighting on phone
Girl: I know u dont love me now :

you love somebody else
Boy: I also know dat u dont love me :(
...
Girl: I'm breaking up with you go
to the person whom you love :'(
(Girl cuts the phone, and boy
callher again and at the same time
girl call hers)
(The number you have dial is
busy)
(Girl calling him
Boy picks her call)
Girl: Who is the bitch you were
calling? :q
Boy : it was you :P

Chuthiya banna h?

GuJrat kI lAdki 'Dhokla' baNati hai.

SOutH ki lAdkI 'Dosa' baNAti hAi.

PuNjaB kI lAdkI 'Lassi' baNAti Hai.

&

BBM/WhatsApp kI laDki ''Chuthiya'' bAnAtI hai.=)) :p =))

A dozen FBI agents

An old man lived alone in an American town.

His only son was in prison. The oldman wrote a letter to his son

Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year.
I’m just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot.
If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love,
Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

‘For Heaven’s sake, Dad,
don’t dig up the garden !! That’s where I buried the GUNS !!’

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what had happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son’s reply was:
‘Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I could do for you, from here.’

MORAL: NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEPFROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS, NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS...

fuck off condition

Wife(sms): Hi baby.

Husb: Hiii honey..(sending ­ failed)

Wife: R u there??

Husb: Yes yes...im here...(sending ­ failed)

Wife: R u ignorng me or wat??

Husb: Honey im nt..i m ryt here.. (sending failed)

Wife: Its over..dnt evr talk to me again!

Husb: Marja kameeni (message sent)..
Aadmi galat nahi hotta, haalaat galat hotte hain..

KUTTE K BACHE

A chinese was in hospital, Santa went to meet
him
.
.
. .
.
Chinese said :"CHING CHONG MOU CHU CHA and
died :/
.
. .
.
.
.
Santa went to china to know the meaning The meaning was
.
.
.
.
. .
.
KUTTE K BACHE OXYGEN K PIPE SE APNA PAIR
UTHA :P :D :-P

Watch This