CHUTIYE

LAUDA

Proud


Son: Dad, I want to be like you
Dad (Feeling Proud): That's so nice Beta So you want to be a Doctor?
Son: "No Dad !
I too wanna Fuck Seema aunty. She is so HOT ?

झांट भर का स्वाद

dinner


*At dinner*

She: Daal do.

Me: Ruk ja khana toh kha lene do hawas ki Pujaran

She: Kameene main daal mang rahi hu.

me : le marja bhukad

Mashoor Rand


Mashoor Rand'
Ne Arz Kiya Hai.
.
.
'Aane Wale Aate Hai,
Jaane Wale Jaate Hai..
.
.
.
Yaade Bas Unki Reh Jaati Hai,
Jo Gand Sujaa Ke Jaate Hai.

Question


Question: What Is Difference Between Sugarcane And Lund?

Answer: Sugarcane Ko Dho Kar Chooste Hain Aur Lund Ko Chooskar Dhote Hain

Cheese


Teacher : Name different type of Cheese.

Banta : 
1. White
2. Cottage
3. Mozarella 
4. Cheddar
5. Swiss blue 
6. Bekhudi
7. Zindagi

Teacher : Wait a minute, what is 'Bekhudi' and 'Zindagi'?

Banta : Hosh walon ko khabar kya, 'Bekhudi' kya cheese hai. Ishq kijiye phir samjhiye, 'Zindagi' kya cheese hai....

"Bhige Hoth Tere, Pyasa Dil Ye Mera"


Once an engineer was forced to sit in arts class..
Then the class was like..
.
Tharki Teacher:"Prasan
g sahit vyakhya karo:
"Bhige Hoth
Tere, Pyasa Dil Ye Mera"
.
.
Engineer Student:"Ye line bollywod ke prasidhkavi,'Sant Shri imraan Hashmi' ji ki rachna 'Murder' ki prasidh kavita..
.
"Bhige Hoth Tere"se li gayi hai.
Is kavita me kavi jab Devi Mallika ko
nachte hue dekhtey hai,
.
to unka sabra tut jaata hai aur wo kehte hai..
.
.
"Hey Devi... jis tarha tumharey hotho ke andar ka jal tumhari pyas bhuja raha hai,
.
usi tarha main bhi usi jal se apni
pyaas bhujana chahta hun"
.
.
in lines se humko kavi ke kaminey,
evam ashleel hone ka ehsas hota
hai..
.
Kavi ke bhav saral evam spasht roop se tharki hai..
Unhone bahut kathor bhavo ko,
badi saralta se apni rachna me Sanjoya hai..:p:O

Biwi ki awesome Kathaayein


MBA ki wife : Eji , Yeh inflation kya hai ?
.
.
.

MBA : Phele tu 36-24-36 thi , ab tu 42-40-48 hai! Ab tere pass sab kuch pehle se jyada hai par phir bhi teri value kam hai.
Yahi INFLATION hai !!!

??
Normally A Man speaks 25000 words Daily & Woman speaks 30000.

But d Problem starts When Husband comes Home after finishing his 25000 words Wife starts her 30000 ??

??
Law of equality ??

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll call u in 5 min!

??
Wife = Where R u.?
Husband ?= I'm At "Bank".
Wife = Wow thats good ? I need 20,000 ?? For new Cell Phone ,5,000 ?? for new dress ?, 6000?? for new shoes?, 4000?? for new purse?, 8000?? for my new cosmetics
Husband ? = Sorry ,
I mean
I am at Blood bank

"KHOON PIYEGI

KHOON ?"??

??
Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of website.
You understand Nothing, still you click
"I Agree"......!!

??
Wife: Suno ji, Doctor ne muje ek mahina aaram ke liye switzerland ya paris jaane ko kaha hai.
Hum kaha jayenge?
.??
.??
.
.??
.??
.??
.??
.??
.??
Husband: Dusre Doctor ke paas..

??
Papa : why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick.
Papa: (with tears in eyes) god bless you son.

??
Hubby Ke B'day Par Wife Ne Pucha-
Kya Gift Dun??

Hubby:-
Tum mujhe Pyar Karo, Izzat Karo aur Mera Kehna Maano...Yahi kaafi hai...!!

Wife:-
(Kuch Der Soch Ke)
Nahin Main To Gift Hi Dungi.

??
I argued... She argued...
I shouted... She shouted and then she cried

Result: she won by duckworth lewis method

??
Chess is the only game in the world,
which reflects the status of the husband.
the poor king can take only one step at a time ...
While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
-------------

??
Why do most indian women request 4 the same husband,
in the next life.?..
Arre..itni mehnat se trained kiya hai..
waste thodi jane denge! ????????
-----------

??

Getting married is like giving
.
.
.
.
.
"Your own Supari"..

-------------------------

??

All Men are Brave,
Horror Movies don't Scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ..surely does
??

??
??Whats Checkmate?

U tell ur wife I saw a lady, looked xctly like u"
&
wife asks "WAS SHE HOT..??"
U cnt say 'no'
U cnt say 'yes'
Dats Checkmate.!

??
STOCK MARKET EFFECT:
Depressed Husband to his fat wife:
"You are my only investment,
that has doubled.'' ????????

tumhe yaad karke muth maarta hoon


Ek ladka aur ladki park mein ghoom rahe the tabhi achanak ladki poochti hai.

Ladki: kya main tumhe achhi lagti hoon ?

Ladka: haan lagti ho.

Ladki: sach mein achhi lagti hoon ?

Ladka: haan baba sach mein achhi lagti ho.

Ladki: achha.....zara batao kitni achhi lagti hoon ?

Ladka: Itni achhi lagti ho ki

Jab main tumhe yaad karke muth maarta hoon, toh tapakti huyi boondon mein bhi tumhara chehra dikhayi deta hai.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN


Between 18 and 20, a woman is like
Africa.
Half discovered, half-wild, naturally
beautiful
with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30, a woman is like
America.
Well developed and open to trade,
especially
for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, she is like
India. Very
hot, relaxed and convinced of her
own
beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like
France.
Gently aging but still a warm and
desirable
place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, she is like
Yugoslavia.
Lost the war, haunted by past
mistakes.
Massive reconstruction is now
necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like
Russia, Very
wide and borders are un-patrolled.
The frigid
climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like
Mongolia.
Glorious and all conquering past but
alas, no
future.
After 70, they become like
Afghanistan.
Everyone know where it is but no
one wanna
go there.

Gujju as a Translator

Ek Gaaon Me angrej elaan Kar rha tha aur Gujju uska Translator tha !!

Angrej: U People
Choki : bhen k laudo

Ang: Its Strongly Announced
Choki : Gand Faadu Elaan

Ang: That The Case Has Been Thoroughly Investigated
Choki: Case choot ki gehrai tk napa gya h

Ang: But Found nothing
Choki : magar lund ni mila

Ang:If Anyone Interferes
Choki:Aur kisi ne maa chudwai

Ang: He Will Be Severely Punished
Choki : uski gand me chatri dal k kholdengen

Ang:Thats It
Choki : Maa ka bhosda....

picture of male sex organ

Sex teacher draws picture of male sex organ
and asked does anyone know what this is?
Kid: ya, my dad have two.
Teacher: two?
Kid: a small one for susu and big one to brush
moms teeth.

Tarsey Kanwarey Thand K Maare...

Wo Log Bohat Qismat waley Hain.
Jo Sardi Main Bistar Par Jhappiii Dall K Soty Hain

Powered By:
Tarsey Kanwarey Thand K Maare...



***********************************************

Pappu apni maa se: “Maa mujhe mera ek chhota bhai chahiye”

Maa: “Beta, papa dubai gaye hain unke aane ke baad hum sochenge”

Pappu thoda soch kar bola: “Kyun na hum papa ko surprise de de“

Touch His Cock & Starts Masturbating..

Santa Was Asked To Give A Speech To Deaf & Dumb People.

He Gets Up On Stage, Squeezes His Chest, Touch His Cock & Starts Masturbating..

Organizers Pulled Him Off Stage & Asked Him What The Hell He Was Doing??.

He Said, I Just Wanted To Start By Saying “Ladies & Gentlemen, It Gives Me Great Pleasure“

10 Rupaye Mein Doodh

Baap Apne Bete Ko Apne Gujre Hue Bachpan Ki Baatein Bata Raha Tha

Baap: “Ek Jamana Tha Jab Main 10 Rupaye Mein Doodh Pi Ke Aata Tha”

Beta: “Wo Jamane Gaye Papa, Aajkal To 10 Rupaye Mein Koi Dikhati Bhi Nahi“

Sirf 2 Boobs

7th Class Ki Ek Ladki Ko Night Club Mein Dekhkar College Ki Ladki Ne Hairani Se Us Se Puchha

Ladki: “Tum Itni Choti Si Hokar Is Club Mein Kya Kar Rahi Ho?”

Bachhi: “Jab Irado Mein Ho Hausla To Body Mein Kyu Nahi?”

Ladki Ko Ko Samjh Na Aaya To Usne Pucha: “Kya?”

Bachhi Muskurate Hue: “Aunty, Sirf 2 Boobs Ka Hi To Farak Hai, Aa Jayenge“

Eats Fuking Batteries

A Teacher Asks The Class To Name Things That End With ‘Tor‘ And That Eat Things

The First Little Boy Says: “Alligator.”

Teacher: “Very Good, That’s A Big Word.”

The Second Boy Says: “Predator.”

Teacher: “Yes, That’s Another Big Word. Well Done.”

Little Johnny Says: “Vibrator, Miss.”

After Nearly Falling Off Her Chair, She Says: “That Is A Big Word, But It Doesn’t Eat Anything.”

Johnny: “Well My Sister Has One And She Says It Eats Fuking Batteries Like There’s No Tomorrow!“

A Broken Condom

Husband: “Honey, Why Is Broken Condom Laying On The Sofa?”

Wife Tensed: “Where?”

She Goes Out To Check And Returns

Wife: “For God Sake Stop Calling Our Son A Broken Condom“

New Slogan For BJP

New Slogan For BJP:----
Ultimate One...
Can't Stop Laughing...

दिलों में कमल खिलाओ..
पंजा तो मूठ मारने के काम आता है...

"I need a BlowJob"

Me really control myself when a hot receptionist in hotel says
.
.
"What can I do for you"??
.
.
I really wish to reply saying
.
.
"I need a BlowJob"

Equations! - This is the best

Equations! - This is the best
I have read in a LONG time !!!!

Equation1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkey = eat + sleep + work

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + enjoy

Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey

In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

Equation 2
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey

In other words
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey

In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey

To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend

So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money

Therefore
from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Do U Know Value of Periods?

U'll die laughing........

Pappu School der se pahuncha.
TEACHER-Do U Know Value of Periods?
Yes madam
1bar Pados ki DIDI ko nahi hua to Uski Maa Behosh,Bap Ko Attack,aur mera bhai Farrar!

Pathan ke bachche hue Naam rakha

Pathan ke 3 bachche hue

Naam rakha

1) Hasrat Khan
2) Harkat Khan
3) Barkat Khan

Phir 3 bachche hue

Naam rakha

1) Dariya Khan
2) Samandar Khan
3) Sailaab Khan

Phir 3 bachche hue

Naam rakha

1) Himmat Khan
2) Housla Khan
3) Bardash Khan

Phir 3 bachche hue
Is baar biwine naam rakha...

1) Bas Kar Khan
2) Sharam Kar Khan
3) Reham Kar Khan...

Raat Aur Suhaagraat

RAZIA Apni Shaadi Se Pehle Apni Saheli SANIA Se Puchhti Hai.

RAZIA:
"Arrey, Kya Tujhe Pata Hai Ki Raat Aur Suhaagraat Mein
Kya Farak Hota Hai?”

SANIA
"Suhaagraat Mein Hum Sirf Pati Ke Saath So Sakte Han
Jab Ki Raat Mein Yeh Jaroori Nahi Hota.”

tera khada kaise hogaya?

1 Aadmi Eye operation k Baad :
-"Dr. nahi dikh raha. "
.
Dr. Ne nurse ko bulaya aur uske kapde utar diye . .
Dr:- "Ab dikha?" .
Man:- "nahi dikhta." . .
Dr:- Kaminey, agar kuch dikha he nahi to tera khada kaise hogaya?

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