JOKE OF THE DAY

65 saalo me Bharat me ek hicheez aisi hai jispar mehengai ka koi asar nahi hua...
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Wo hai humare desh ke neta...
Jo 65 saal pehle bhi 2 kodi ke the aur aaj bhi 2 kodi ke hai...!!!
Hit Like if u hate politics....

kasam Aap Chutiye hain.

Agar Aap Antarctica ke baraf main Thumbs Up ka bottle thanda karne ko 'Toofani Karna' kehte hai, to Global Warming ki kasam Aap Chutiye hain.
Agar aap Masturbation ko waste of sperm ya baal hatya maante hai, toh kasam Vicky Donor ki Aap Chutiye hain...
-dj-

GAALI zarun denge

Jab b dost achi baat kahenge GAALI zarun denge:
1. Beautiful girl Oye ma ki lodi kya maal hai.
2. Cricket mein Iski maa ka choda mara kya chakka mara hai.
3. Dost aaye to Aa gaya chutiyaa.
4. Ladki na pate to Bhen ki lodi r#ndi hai.
5. Exam pass hone par Bhosdi k tu tu pass ho gaya.
6. Ghar jana ho to Ghar jana hai nai to Baap G#nd maar dega.
7. Koi sidha sadha aadmi dikhe to Chodu hai l#da

Six Amazing Life Lesson

Six Amazing Life Lesson (Must read and share)

Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxingon the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3:
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

...A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut !

c0nd0m style

faadu bacche dur rahe...xD

Bacha Sar Pe Condom chadha k
Ghoom rha tha!
Baap: Ye Sar Pe kia Chadhaya hy?
Bacha, style se:
Baba..! School Me Fancy Dress
Competition Hy,
Koi Sher Banega
Koi Ghora Banega,
Aap ka Beta Lauda Bnega..
Sab ki maa chod de gaa...
0pen c0nd0m style..! xD

Tum Isko Satisfy Karo

Ek Aadmi Aadhi Raat Ko Ek Ghar
Mein
Ghussa, Jisme Nayi Nayi Shadi
Hue
Miya Biwi Rahte The.
Chor Ne Ladki Aur Ladke Ko
Bandha
Aur Ladki Ke Kaan Par Kiss Ki
Aur Phir
Bathroom Chala Gaya.
Ladke Ne Ladki Se Kaha: “Tum Isko
Satisfy Karo Warna Ye Humein
Maar
Dega Hosla Nahi Harna I Love
You
Jaan, Mere Pyaar Mein Koi Farak Nahi
Padega.”
Ladki Boli: “Usne Mere Kaan Par
Kiss
Nahi Ki Hai Balki Mujhe Bola Hai
Ki,
Main Ek Gay Hoon Aur Mujhe
Vaseline Chahiye...
Mene Use Bata Diya
Ke
Bathroom Mein Rakhi Hai Meri
To Kher
Hai Bus Tum Hosla Nahi Harna I
Love You To Jaanu, Mere Pyaar Mein
Bhi Koi
Farak Nahi Padega  
Samajh Me Aaya To Like
thojo...Nai To
Pogo jindabbad.

Benefits of Masturbation

Dedicated to all young fukrs
Benefits of Masturbation
1. Choice of girl is yours..
2. Time ki bachat
3. Self service
4. Not a crime
5. Rest to girlfriend
6. No risk of AIDS
7. No special place required
8. No money wastage
9. Easy to perform
10. Guaranteed satisfaction
11. No abortion
12. Condom not required
13. Not necessary to removewhole
underwear
14. Stress easily removed
15. Doesn't matter how long your penis
is
16. Swapndosh se mukti
17. Koi darr nahi, pakde janepe saaman
ko easily chhupa sakte hain
18. One can do as many time as he
wants
19. No need of special training, its so
simple
20. Position is of your choice.
<Moral>
"Badnami ki choot se izzat ki muth
achchi hai"

shikaari muthh mar rha tha

Shikaar k liye ek shikaari jungle me ghoom raha tha,
Usko koi shikaar nhi mila to shikaari time paas krne k liye muthh marne laga...
Ye sb kuch ek Sher ne dekh liya...
Sher apne ghar ko bhaga or sbhi janwaro ko ikathha kiya or bola...
Sher:-Jis jis ko apni jaan pyari hai wo yahan se bhaag jaye,
Jungle me bahot bada shikaari aaya hai..
.
Lomdi:-jungle me to roz shikaari aate hai...?
Sher:-Arri befkoof usne apni Gun 80-90 baar lod ki hai,
Pata nahi wo ek baar me kitno ko marega...?

Rajni is back with new ones

... Rajni is back with new ones.....

Recently china airports were closed due to heavy fog ........ Later it was discovered that Rajanikanth was smoking in India!!!!!!!!!!

Rajanikanth did his KG from seven different places..Today those places are known as IITs!!!!!!

Government of india pays tax to Rajanikanth for living in India!!!!!!!

Definition of solar eclipse:
When Rajanikanth stares at sun with anger, sun hides behind the moon. This greatest phenomena is called Solar Eclipse.........!!!!!

Rajanikanth woke up one day and decided he should share atleast one percent of his knowledge with the world......
Thus.......The google was born!!!!

Think what would have happened if Rajani would have born 150 years ago..?????
British would have fought for Independance....

Best Rajani joke!!!!!! Even Ghajini remembers Rajani!!!!

An email was sent from Mysore to Bangalore.
Rajanikanth stopped it at Mandya ....

Why do earthquake occurs?????
Because at that time Rajanikanth's mobile is on vibration mode!!!!!!!!!

Once Rajanikanth bunked a whole day in school.....!
Since then that day is known as.............­Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pyramids in Egypt are actually.............
..........Rajanikanths primary school craft projects!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breaking news: ISRO does not exists anymore.....!!
Rajanikanth purchased all the rockets for Diwali celebration!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did Rajani buy an acre of land wth 4 wells on each corner?????
....To play Carrom!!!!!!

Before Tom Cruise, Rajani was approached for the movie Mission Impossible, but Rajani refused as he found the title insulting...

Sher ki Gand me ungli

Ek bar ek udas Bandar marne ko gaya.
To jate jate usne sote hue Sher ki Gand me ungli dal di.
Sher utha aur gusse se dahada:- "kisne kiya ye.. ? Kisne apni maut bulayi hai.?
Bandar bola:- "Me hu maharaaj.!
Sher ne pucha:- "ye krte hue tumhe kisine dekha.?
Bandar:- "Nhi, Maharaj.
Sher :-ok, To ek bar aur karo aacha lagta hai.
Moral:- Akele Reh-Reh Kar Jungle Ka Raja Bhi Gandu Ho Jaata Hai,

WINE, BEAR, RUM, VODKA.....

his one for u all guys
If u feel overloaded with Work…

Immediately go to the nearest 

"Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:

1: Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)

2: Radioactive Un-work Medicine (RUM)

3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)

4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).

This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA) =))

Sawan Barse..Tohar Chummi Ko Tarse"

1 handsome boy & a hot girl were going in
a car for having fun.

Suddenly rain started & both got wet. 

They
found an empty hut & went inside.

Girl had a nice figure & was luking
awesome in her wet white T-shirt & denim
shorts.

Boy was also well built & was aroused by
his gf's sexy body.

He came close 2 her &
wrapped his arms around her waist.

He caught her close & put his hand on her
wet waist & started lifting her wet T-shirt
feeling her smooth skin.

Girl put her hands on boy's shoulder &
offered her lips 4 a kiss..
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To continue, please pay Rs. 399/- & enjoy
the next episode of "Sawan Barse..Tohar
Chummi Ko Tarse"

GAAND MEIN KIDA

Ek baar class main inspection hoti
hain..
Headmaster sahib aate hain...
Sawaal karna shuru!
Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body
ka sabse naram part konsa hain"?
Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master
Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue -
Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab
do"!!
Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka
sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon
ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye
hum kehte hain 'GAAND Phat gayi',
Garmi lag jaya hum kehte hain
'GAAND phat gayi',
thoda chalna pad jaye 'GAAND phat
gayi',
Rona aa jaye 'GAAND phat gayi',
Homework karana ho'GAAND phat
gayi'...
Headmaster ko gussa to aata hain
lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi sahi hain
to woh kuch nahin kehta....
Phir sawaal...karta hain...
Headmaster: "acha aab ye batao ke,
Ladki ki jab shaadi ho jaati hain to
woh Doli ke time roti kyon hain" Phir
koi
jawaab nahin deta.....
Master phir Tinku ko jawaab dene ko
kehta hain.
Tinku: " Master ji aap itne bade
master, gyani or Samajhdar AGAR
AAPKI KOI
400KM GHAR SE DOOOOOR LE JAA
KAR GAAND MAREGA TO AAPKO
RONA
NAHIN AAYEGA?
Master ji ko phir bhut gussa aata
hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi thik
hain...isleye woh use kuch nahin
kehta.
Master phir sawaal karata hain...
Headmaster: "Acha bachoo agar
main aapko tisri aankh lagane ki
shakti doon to tum kahan lagwaoge"
Koi bacha kehta hain sir pe,
koi kehta hain mooh main,
koi kehta hain pet main,
Koi kehta hain kaan pe...
Master ko koi bhi answer acha nahin
lagta hain to woh Tinku ko phir
khada karta hain...
Tinku: " Master ji main tisri aankh
haat ki badi wali ungli main
lagawaoonga"
Headmaster: " Kyon Tinku"
Tinku: " Main usko aapki GAAND
main dalke ye dekhoonga ke aisa
kaun sa kida aapki GAAND main
Bhatak raha hain jo Salla har Sawaal
mujhe hi se pooch raha hai,,,,,

DARSHAN CHUT KE

Vo aae hamare kabar pe,
Aur chale gae muut k,
Vo aae hamare kabar pe aur chale gae muut k,
Shukar hai issi bahane DARSHAN toh ho gae un k CHUT k

Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath..

Boobs ho bade bade,
Bra me ho khade khade,
Bar bar choos kar,
Khoob inko tu masal,
Par daant se tu kaat mat,
Kaat mat,
Agneepath
Agneepath
Agneepath
Tu na thakega kabhi
Tu na rukega kabhi,
Roz 3 bar chodne ki,
Le Shapath
Le Shapath
Agneepath
Agneepath
Agneepath,
Choot to mahaan hai,
ispe sab kurbaan hai,
Sab k basate isme praan hain,
Bana kr is choot ko Bhagwaan b hairaan hai,
Apne Virya se kar de isko,
Lathpath
Lathpath
Agneepath
Agneepath
Agneepath..

Bhai Ab Batao Kiski Maan Chodni Hai

Whats The Difference Between Foreigner And
Indian After Two Pegs Of Whiskey?
Foreigner Says: “ Good Night Sweet Dreams ”
Indian Says: “ Bhai Ab Batao Kiski Maan Chodni
Hai “

Usko Bhi Chodna Hai

Ek Bar Ek Kisaan Apni Kutti Se Pareshan Tha,
Uski Kutti Bache Nahi De Rahi Thi
Kisaan Bechara Tang Aa Kar Bazaar Gaya.
Kutte Ki Dukan Pe Gaya Aur Bola: “ Mujhse Sabse
Jyada Aur Tez Chodu Kutta Chahiye ”
Dukandar Ne Use Sabse Mast Chodu Kutta De
Diya.
Kisaan Khushi Khushi Apne Ghar Aya Aur Kutte
Ko Kutti Ke Sath Chod Diya
Kisaan Ne Kutte Se Kaha: “ Dekh Bete Hume Koi
Jaldi Nahi Hai Tu Araam Se Apna Kaam Karna. ”
Par Kutte Ne Ander Guste Hi Kutti Ki Chudai
Shuru Kar Di
Kisaan Bada Khush Hua Dekh Kar. Dekhte Dekhte
Usne Kutti Ko 2 Baar Chod Diya.
Fir Usne Gaayo Ki Chudai Shuru Kari. Saari Gaye
Bhi Chod Di
Kisaan Ne Fir Kaha: “ Bete Araam Kar Le. Koi
Jaldi Nahi Hai. Tei Tabiyat Kharaab Ho Jayegi ”
Kutta Fir Bhi Nahi Ruka Bhanis, Bakri, Suwar,
Batakh Sab Ki Chudai Karte Karte Raat Ho Gayi.
Agle Din Subah Kisaan Utha To Usne Dekha,
Kutta Ground Mein Chaaro Taang Uper Karke
Pada Hua Thha
Uski Aankhein Bahar Aa Gayi Thhi Aur Jeebh
Ladki Hui Thhi. Aur Ek Cheel Upar Madra Rahi
Hai.
Kisaan Uske Paas Jaakar Bola: “ Maine Kaha Tha
Na Bete Control Kar. Meri Baat Maan Li Hoti To
Aisa Nahi Hota. Jaan Gawani Pad Gayi Na ”
Itne Mein Kutta Bola: “ Shhhhhhhhh… Bhosndi
Ke Door HoJa, Cheel Najdeek Aa Rahi Hai, Usko
Bhi Chodna Hai “

Sex Ke Baad

Pappu Se Uski Girlfriend Ne Masti Ke Mood Mein
Puchha.
Ladki: “ Sex Ke Pehle Chut Kaisi Dikhti Hai? ”
Pappu: “ Jaise Gulaab ”
Ladki: “ Aur Sex Ke Baad? ”
Pappu: “ Sardar Ji Ke Muh Ki Tarha Jisne Thodi
Der Pehle Lassi Pi Ho “

Tatton Pe Laat

Teacher Ne Class Mein Student Se Puchha.
Teacher: “ Batao Bachon Sab Se Zyada Dard Kab
Hota Hai? ”
Ek Ladki Uthi Aur Boli.
Ladki: “ Ji Mam, Delivery Ke Waqt ”
Piche Se Pappu Khada Hua Aur Huste Hue Bola.
Pappu: “ Mam, Isse Kuch Nahi Pata, Issne Kabi
Tatton Pe Laat Nahi Khayi Hai “

BANIYA COLLECTION Jokes

BANIYA COLLECTION* 
1. Baniya: Yeh banana kaise diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya : 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chhilka milega.
Baniya : Le 40 paise, chilka rakh aur kela de de. 

2. Baniya on his deathbed.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife: Yes, I'm here
My sons daughters r u all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya: To phir bahar wale kamre ka pankha kyun chal raha hai ???

3. Baniya 14th floor se neeche gira
Girte waqt usne
apne ghar ki khidki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla ke bola:
MERI ROTI NAHIN PAKANA!

4. Baniya ne Sheikh ko khoon de ke uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne use MERCEDES gift kar di.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zaroorat padi,
Baniya ne phir khoon diya.
Ab ki baar Sheikh ne till wale laddu gift kiye,
Baniya : (Gusse se): Mercedes kyun nahin di? Sheikh: Munna!!! Ab hamare andar bhi Baniya ka
khoon daud raha hai:)

5. Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera
Chacha mar gaya hai,
obituary ke kya
charges honge?
Newspaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya : Oh bahut zyaada hain, Achha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye"
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Baniya : Oh ho! Zara sochne do..... Achha
likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale ..

6. Baniya asks a Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware
jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Haan ji jaoonga.
Baniya ne jeb se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

7. Baniya ko bhoot chadh gaya ,
3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha ke paas gaya aur
bola,
Ojha sahab mujhe bahar nikalo..! Warna main to
bhookha hi mar jaoonga

8. Titanic Ke Saath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Rahva Tha
Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Baniya: Shukar Hai Maine Return Ticket Nahin
Khareeda.
Baniya masup LOL

2 ladies on delivery case..

2 ladies on delivery case..

Ind/west indies

.

Nurse to Ind: beta hua h lulli 5 inch ki h
.
nurse to west indies: L*ND hua h beta 5 inch ka hai. xD xD

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