help me

Hi Uncle Tom,
I am a lady aged 26, I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home, I drove for just
about 2 km from home & my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another
car, when I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid, I don't know what to do now please help me.

UNCLE TOM'S REPLY:

Over heating of the engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the radiator, you need to check the oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey, you must also make sure your car is
serviced regularly to avoid problems in future hope this helps

Boys will always be Boys

Boy in Church : I have sinned.
Father : What's it my son?
Boy : Father, I slept with Married Woman
Father : I get such confessions often, was it
Suzy from Gary Apartment?
Boy : No Father?
Father : Mona from Palm Garden?
Boy : No
Father : Rachel from Vila Building?
Boy runs out of the church & meets his
friends.
Friends : Did you confess?
Boy : No, but i have got some SOLID
LEADS ...
Moral:
Boys will always be Boys. :p ;)

good manners

A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
'Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted..

Zaalim joke

Zaalim joke ............ ;)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
LAdy to Doctor :- Dr. mere pati ki nasbandi
kardo.........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Doctor .- Q ? kya hua?
.
Wife - Mujhe 5wa mahina chal raha h,
.
Meri behan ka 4tha,
.
Kamwali ka 3ra,
.
Bakri ka 2ra or

Kal humari kutiya ne Bhi ulti kar Di.=))

jivanlal

Grls hostel ka guard roz daru pine ke baad
gali bakta tha
mera nam jivanlal, kiski chut me kitne
baal ?

Ek ladki sunkar boli: meri chut me itne baal
ki phas jayega jivanlal. 3dino tak sunne ke
baad..

Jivanlal: goli chalegi fatak se, chut phategi
jatak se, jal jayenge sare baal, bach niklega
jivanlal !

Ladki: Surakshit kale mere baal vasmol ne
kiya kamal.
Bach jayenge mere baal, maa chudaye
jivanlal...

Bhavishya

pappu ne

Boys bathroom Mein Likha ..
.

'Aap Ka Bhavishya Aap Ke
Haath Mein Hain..! :P
.
.
and Girls bathroom Mein Kiya
Likha ..?

'Apne Bhavishya Mein Ungli Naa
karo.......... :P

A HOLE CAN CHANGE

A man was lost on an island.
He cut a tree and
decided to make a boat...
Suddenly.. He saw a girl and
He used the tree for making bed....
Moral: A HOLE CAN
CHANGE YOUR GOAL.
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est Reply Given by a trueFriend when asked toPay the bill of Canteen...
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.
('.')
<) . (>
_/'!'\_
Lauda Le Le Bhosdike

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Sunny Leone has just bought a new Car in Delhi..
It's registration no. is
.
.
.
D1CK BJ0069 :O :p X_X >=)

Bra Nahi Pahni?

Ek Ladki Auto Mein Bethi Hui Kahi Jaa Rahi Thhi
Achanak Se Usne Auto Wale Se Kaha
Ladki: “ Bhaiya Auto JaraDheere Chalao Mera Doodh Uchhal Raha Hai”
Auto-Wala Kameenepan Se: “ ArreyKya Tumne Bra Nahi Pahni? ”
Ladki Gusse Se: “ Kameene Mere Doodh Ke Dibbe Ka Doodh Uchhal Raha Hai

Top 10 XXX Movies

1.seema ki salwar me talwar

2.abla nari ka babla ( . ) ( . ) bhari.

3.pati fauj me,biwi mauj me

4.amar prem, bistar par game..

5.Ghar me saali to raat bhar diwali.

6.Phaad ke panty, nikla bunty!

7.Randi ho gayi thandi.

8.Zalim lauda lage hathoda.

9.Peticot me visfot

10.Paan khaye muniya
maa chudaye duniya..!

Sachche dost

Sachche dost ki 3 nishani....

Ek to bhosdika kabhi phone nahi karega....

Dusra - har kaam ke liye haan bolega lekin bhenchod ek din ka kaam dus din mein bhi nahi karega....

Aur teesra, ladkiyo ko senti-wale sms bhejega aur humein lauda-lasun, choot, tatti,randi wale sms bhejega..

chodna Chhod De

Ek Ladke Ko Darr Tha Ki Vo Exam Mein Fail Na Ho Jaye To Raat Ko Chhat Pe Ek Taara Tootte Dekh Usne Pass Hone Ki Mannat Mangi

Piche Khade Uske Dad Ne Ye Suna To Usko Samjhate Hue Bole.

Papa: "Beta, Log Chand Par Pahuch Gaye, Aur Tum Toote Taaron Mein Apna Naseeb Dhund Rahe Ho?"

Beta: "Papa, Science Ne Test Tube Baby Banaya, To Kya Hum chodna Chhod De"

Kiss Karne Ke Liye Condom

Boy Friend Ne Ek Din Apni Girlfriend Ko Kaha

Ladka: “Janu, Kya Main Tumhe Ek Kiss Kar Sakta Hun?”

Ladki: “Condom Laye Ho Kya?”

Ladke Ko Samajh Na Aaya To Usne Puchha

Ladka: “Arrey, Kiss Karne Ke Liye Condom Ki Kya Jarurat Hai?”

Ladki: “Achha, Sharif To Aise Ban Rahe Ho Jaise Kiss Karne Ke Baad Khade Hathiyar Pe Meri Panty Tangoge?“

tharki Yamraj

after death....
Yamraj asked to 3 ladies..
.
.
“ kabhii kiss kiya hai ??
.
. 1st lady: shadi se pehle
.
.
yamraj: nark me jao
.
. 2nd lady: shadi ke baad
.
yamraj: swarg me jao
.
.
. .
.
3rd lady: kabhi nahi kiya
.
.
. Yamraj: kone me
aao...:p :O :D :D

Bistar Bicha lo

 Ek Class Me Lady Teacher Bachho
ka Haunsla Badhane Ke Liye
Ek Trick Khelti Hai
.
.
Lady Teacher:“ Jin Baccho ne 1 Lesson
Yaad kiya hai wo mere 1 Haath per
Kiss
kare”
.
.
Kuch Bacche Teacher ke Haath per
Kiss karte hai..
.
.
.
Lady Teacher:“ Jin Baccho ne 2
Lesson Yaad kiye hai woh mere Dono
Gaal par kiss kare”
.
.
Kuch bacche teacher ke Gaal per kiss
karte hai..
.
.
.
.
Tabhi Pappu bolta hai:“ Miss, Bistar
Bicha lo”
.
.
Lady Teacher: “Kyun ????
.
.
Pappu: “Mujhe Puri Book Yaad
hai“  
Teacher Shocked..

Cheers

After viewing Rockstar & Aashiqui 2 i can
conclude dat..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladka sab kuch chhod sakta hai lekin daaru
nhi chhod sakta hai XD
Cheers !!*beer*

Cheers beer

After viewing Rockstar & Aashiqui 2 i can
conclude dat..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladka sab kuch chhod sakta hai lekin daaru
nhi chhod sakta hai XD
Cheers !!*beer*

Cheers !!*beer*

After viewing Rockstar & Aashiqui 2 i can
conclude dat..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladka sab kuch chhod sakta hai lekin daaru
nhi chhod sakta hai XD
Cheers !!*beer*

Impossiblr

•  Boy:" My GF is pregnant

  but I used protection..
  .
  Doctor:" 1 kahani suno...
  .
  1 shikari 1 din Gun ki
  jagah umbrella le gaya,
  .
  achanak lion samne
  aaya to usne umbrella
  ka handle khicha aur fire
  kiya..
  .
  Lion wahi mar gaya..
  .
  Boy:"Impossible ­ ...
  Kissi aur ne fire kiya
  hoga..
  .
  .
  Doctor :"Exactly, kisi or
  ne fire kiya hoga.. 

Respect

Nipple se tapak raha pasina,

nipple se tapak raha pasina

Bhigi hui gand aur lathpath seena

Ab tumhi batao "Ghalib"

itni garmi me Koi kaise chode hasina..!!

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Teacher To Student : Batao bacho dono me kon senior hai
CHUT YA LUND

Student : CHUT

Teacher : kaise

Sir : CHUT ko dekh ke LUND khada ho jata hai......

RESPECT FOR SENIORS...

Robot

Santa Ek Bar America Gaya, Udhar Se Aate Waqt Usne Ek Aisa Robot Khareeda Jo Jhuth Sunke Thapad Marta Tha.

Ghar Aakar Usne Robot Ko Khola Aur Khada Kar Diya. Tabi Pappu Bahaar Se Aya To Santa Ne Robot Test Karne Ke Liye Pappu Se Puchha

Santa: “Tumhe Aaj Itni Der Kaise Ho Gayi?”

Pappu: “Extra Class Thi, Papa”

Robot Pappu Ko Thapad Marta Hai.

Pappu Rote Hue: “Movie Dekhne Gaya Tha”

Santa: “Kaun Si?”

Pappu: “Bal Ganesha”

Robot Ne Fir Pappu Ko Ek Thapad Mara,

Pappu Bola: “Janglee Jawani”

Santa: “Ye Konsi Movie Hai Mene To Koi Aisi Film Nahi Dekhi”

Robot Santa Ko Thapad Marta Hai,

Preeto Ne Ye Sab Dekha To Hanste Hue Boli: “Jhuth Hi Bolega, Aakhir Aapka Hi Beta Hai”

Robot Preeto Ko Bhi Ek Thapad Mar Deta Hai.

Divided by states United by Behencho**

Delhi= Bhencho**
Punjab= pencho**
Haryana= Bhenddcho**,
UP= Baheencho**,
Bihar= Bahaancho**
Divided by states United by Behencho** =))=D

Duniyadari Ki Maa Ka Bhosda

10 saal ka Chota bunty.. sheela bhabi Aur ek ladke Ko Sex Karte Huwe Dekh Leta Hai.. 

Bunty: "Mujhe Bhi Karne Do... Warna aap ke husbandKo Bata Dunga 

Sheela bhabi: "Le Kar Le...

Bunty Kaafi Try Karta Hai Par Uska Khada Hi Nahi Hota.. 

Bunty (Chaddi Pahente Huwe):

"Duniyadari Ki Maa
Ka Bhosda... Jo Galat Hai Wo Galat Hai... Mein to Bataaunga...!!

future

BOY : I want us to be in a
relationship.
GIRL : Its okay but under one
condition
BOY : Which one ?
GIRL : No sex coz am
preserving it
for my future husband.
BOY : Thats okay, I also have
my
condition
GIRL : Which one ?
BOY : No using of my money
coz
am preseving it for my
future wife!

Dikhao

Ek Bus Mein Ladko & Ladkiyo Ki Team
Antakshari Khelne K Liye Bani..

Girls Hum Tumko Haraakar dikhayenge
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pichhe betha PAPPU BOLA:" Hum Haar Gye, Chalo Ab Dikhao...:p :O :D :D

hand -job

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50.
Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50.
Hand Job: - $10.00.
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am"
The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

HAR 1 FRIEND KAMINA HOTA HAI"

Ladka dost se :yaar maine apni Girl Friend ko uski birthday pe apni behan ki new diamond ring chori ker k gift de di,

Dost (Thappad maar kar) :

kaminey Itni mehngi kharidi thi maine

Ladka: saale marta kyun hai
tere ghar hi to wapis gayi hai :P

Imandar

Ek Ladka Ek Ciment Factory Me Kaam Karta Tha,
Uska Baap Bola:
Ghar Banwana Hai 25 Bore CimentLa De..!
Ladka- Nahi, Main Bahut Imandar Hu..!
Baap- 15 La De..!
Ladka- Nahi Meri Kuch Image Hai..!
Baap- 5 La De..!
Ladka- Nahi..!
Baap- 1 La De..!
Ladka- Nahi..!
Baap- Theek Hai To Ek Mutthi La De..!
Ladka- Ek Mutthi Ka Kya Karoge..!
Baap- Teri Ma Ke hole Par Lagaunga
Taaki Koi Dusra Imandar Paida Na Ho.

Akbar Kon Tha ?

eacher Ne Pappu Se Puchha.
Teacher: “Pappu Batao, Akbar KonThha?”
Pappu: “Ji Mam, Akbar Ek Gay Thha”
Teacher Ke Ye Sun Ke Tote Udd Gaye Ki Pappu Kya Bol Raha Hai.
Teacher: “Kya Bakwas Kar Rahe Ho”
Pappu: “Mam Humne Hamesha Laila–Majnu, Heer-Ranjha, Adam-Eve, Soni-Mahival Ka Naam Suna Hai, Par Sirf Akbar-Birbal Hi Kyu?”
Bechari Teacher Bhi Kya Jawab Deti.