Google is a girl or a boy..?

Teacher : Google is a girl or a boy..?
..
..
.
..
..
..
.

....
.

....
Student: Google is a Girl.....because it won't let you complete
the whole sentence and start guessing, suggesting.....and
you ask only one question.....
but get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds.. :P :P

,bike zarur dilaunga.

Dad-is baar pass ho ya fail,bike
zarur dilaunga.
.
.
SON-konsi bike? .
.
DAD-pass hue to 'pulsar' college
jaane ke liye . & . fail hue to
.
.
.
. .
'Rajdoot' doodh bechne ke liye :-
P =D

baap ko chodna mat sikha.

Teacher: “Johnny, “Tamso Ma Jyotir Gamya” Shalok Ka Kya Matlab Hai?”

Johnny: “Tum So Jao Maa, Main Jyoti Se Milne Jaa Raha Hoon“






Chuha ped pe chad gaya.

Monkey : ped pe kyun aaya.

Chuha : arre chiku khane aya hu yaar.

Monkey : chodu ye toh aam ka ped hai.

Chuha : zindagi me ek baat yad rakhna bhosdike,

 majdoor ko khodna aur baap ko chodna mat sikha..
main chiku sath laya hu lavde..

dad has only 5 inch.

Suhgrat pe bivi ko pata chla ke pati ki 1 tang nakli hai usne Maa ko msg kiya

"Mom my husbnd has 1 Foot"
Mom rply-
xxx
"u r lucky beta,ur dad has only 5 inch.

Teri Maa Bhi Chud Jaye

Ek Din Kisi Party Mein Daaru Jyada Pee Lene Ki Vajah Se Ek Ladke Aur Ladki Mein Ladayi Ho Gayi
Ladki Boli:
“Mera Naam Hai Chikni,
Meri Choot Bhi Hai Chikni,
Pair Rakhe To Fisal Jaye
Tu To Kya Tera Baap Bhi Na Chod Paye”
Ladke Ne Jawab Diya:
“Mera Naam Hai Babbar Billu
Mera Lund Hai 56 Killo
Dharti Pe Rakho To Kunwa(Well) Khud Jaye
Tu To Kya Teri Maa Bhi Chud Jaye“

4 inch and 9 inch

Biology Teacher :4 inch is necessary for pregnancy. 

A girl asked : Madam, what about 9 inch? 

Teacher : I'm talking about necessary, Not luxury.. =D

GHOR KALYUG

" GHOR KALYUG KA EXAMPLE "
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SUHAGRAAT KE BAAD PATI APNI PATNI SE BOLA
PATI: ARE KHOON TOH NIKLA HI NAHI
.
.
.
PATNI NE GUSSE ME AAKAR JAWAB DIYA
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
PATNI: KYUN HARAMI TUNE ANDER TEER MARA THA KYA

Out Of My Ass.

A Husband And Wife Were In The Bathroom Getting Ready For Work When The Husband Looked At His Wife And Said.

Husband: “I Gotta Have You!”

He Backed Her Up Against The Bathroom Door, Pulled Down Her Panties And Ravaged Her.

He Knew He Was Doing Great Because She Screamed And Wiggled More Than She Ever Had Before.

When He Finished, He Started Putting His Clothes Back On And When He Noticed His Wife Still Writhing Against The Door

He Said: “That Was The Best, Honey. You’ve Never Moved Like That Before, You Didn’t Hurt Yourself Did You?”

His Wife Replies: “No, No. I’ll Be Ok Once I Can Get The Doorknob Out Of My Ass.“

FUCKING FATHER

Ek Bahut Kanjoos Aadmi Tha, Wo Apne Ladke Ko Kabhi Jeb Kharch Ke Liye Paise Nahi Deta Tha,

Ek Din Uska Apni Wife Ke Sath Sex Karne Ka Mood Bana, Lekin Ladka Ghar Mein Tha.

To Kanjoos Ne Ladke Ko 5 Rupaye Diye Aur Kaha Jao Agle Mohalle Wali Kariyane Ki Dukan Se Toffee Kha Aao,

Ladke Ko Shak Hua Ki Aaj Kaise Muje Paise Mil Gaye Jaroor Daal Mein Kuch Kala Hai.

Ladke Ne Dimag Lagaya Aur Ghar Se Nikal Kar Piche Ke Raste Se Chhat Par Chad Gaya Aur Parda Hata Kar Dekha To Ander Uske Mummy – Papa Sex Kar Rahe The.

Wahi Se Gujarte Ek Budhe Ne Dekha Ki Ek Bachha Chatt Par Khada Hai Kahi Gir Na Jaye To Vo Zor Se Chilla Kar Bola.

Aadmi: “Abe Bhonsdi Ke Neeche Utar Ja Varna Free Mein Maan Chud Jayegi”

Ladka Bhi Gusse Mein Bola: “Free Mein Nahi 5 Rupaye Mein Chud Rahi Hai“

Impossibilities in the world

Impossibilities in the world
1- you cant count your hair 
2- you cant wash your eyes with soap 
3- you cant breathe when your tongue is out 
4- please put your tongue inside
Stop acting like a dog =))

prapose through msg.

Ek ladke ne ek ladki ko
prapose kiya through msg..
.
Msg padhne k bad
Ladki ne 2 din me us se shadi
karli
Ye sochkar ki koi itna sara
pyar kaise kar sakta hai..
Socho ladke ne kya likha hoga
msg me.??
.
.
.
.
I love u utna
Engineering ka syllabus hai
jitna.. :p :D

Lesbian Means

Santa :"I love you. Mai tumse bohot pyar karta hoon
.
.
.
Girl :"I am lesbian
.
.
.
Santa :"Lesbian Means ???
.
.
.
Girl :"Jise ladkiyo mei interest ho
.
.
.
Santa :"De Taali !!! I am also a lesbian :D :p

FUCK OFF MAHNGAI

Kitni mehengai ho gayi h yaar -_-
.
.
98 ka net card ab 125 ka hogaya
.
.
35 ka msg card dalwao usme v 10 paise katte
hai...
.
.
Kuch to reham karo bhikari sim companiyo
hum students par...
.
.

Na koi income hai na koi rahis baap ki beti apni girlfriend hai [>_<]

Sunny Leone Ka Video

Modern Bhikhari: 
Uparwale Ke Naam Pe 10 Rupaye Dedo Baba..!!

Me:
Chutte Nahi Hai....>:/ 

Bhikhari:
Koi Baat Nahi Sunny Leone Ka Video Dikha Do Saab 1 Rupaye Wala =))

FUNNY PICS LOL!!!!!!!!







Shame!!! Shame!!!! commercial advertisement .

Shame!!! Shame!!!!
commercial
advertisement
.
.
.
Hamare desh me koi b comercial
advestise dekho to pata chalta hai
ke only ladki patao & nothing....
.LADKI PATANA Lets se
. Mobile qareedo ladk  patao
. Shampo use karo ladki patao
. Deodrant use karo ladki patao
. Perfume use karo ladki patao
. Coke pepsi sprite maaza ya koi b cold
    drink piyo ladki patao
. Shaving blade foam ya set qareedo ladki patao
. Chips khao ladki patao
. Sim card me curency dalo ladki patao
. Bike chalao ladki patao Had to us waqt hoti hai
    jab koi chaddi pehan kar ladki patata hai
.kya is desh me yahi ek kaam reh gaya
    hai naujawano ke liye

light nahi thi..

Teacher : aaj tune fir homework
kyon nahi
kiya?
Student = sir light nahi thi
.
T= to mombatti jla leta.
S= sir machis nahi utha sakta tha,
.
T= kyun be ?
S= sir puja k ghar me rakhi thi,
.
T= to uthayi kyon nahi ?
S= nahaya nahi tha sir,
.
T- sale nahaya kyon nahi tha?
S= paani nahi tha sir.
.
T= abbey, paani kyon nahi tha?
S -sir motar nahi chal rahi thi.
.
T = Sale ab motar ko kya hua?
Student - Abbey Saale Pagla gya
hai kya ....
kitni baar bolun ki light nahi thi...
Students Rock 

Taang Do haramkhorr Ko

Mujrim Ko Fansi Ki Saza Sunane Ke Baad Judge Ne
Us Se Puchha
Judge: “Koi Akhiri Khawish ??
.
.
Mujrim: “Aap Ki Beti Se Shaadi, Blackbery Bold,

Apple I- Phone, 100 Crore Rupaye, U.S.A Ka Visa, 2 Saal Ka Honeymoon Trip, 6-7 Bacche Jo Aapko Nana-Nana
Aur Mujhe Papa-Papa Kahe,

Aur Main Unki Shaadi Karwa
Doon, Uske Baad Aap Jo Bhi Faisla Doge Mujhe Manjoor Hoga'
.
.
.
.
Judge Zor Se Haste Hue Bola:“ abe saale Meri Koi Beti Hi Nahi Hai, Taang Do haramkhorr Ko
Abhi Ke Abhi":p :O :D

get yourself a drink,smoke,drugs

Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. 
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. 
Patient: I don't touch a drop. 
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. 
Patient: I don't smoke. 
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. 
Patient: I don't do drugs. 
Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. 
Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life. 
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends.

The least important word

"The six most important words: 
I admit I made a mistake. 

The five most important words: 
You did a good job. 

The four most important words:
What is YOUR opinion?

The three most important words:
If you please.

The two most important words:
Thank You.

The one most important word:
We.

The least important word:
'I'

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now.
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes.
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay!

Translating Women's English!

Translating Women's English!

Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
We need = I want.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

WTF Oxford !!!!!!!!!!!

MUNNA BHAI: Circuit, bole toh yeh
Ford kya hai?

CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.

MUNNA BHAI: Toh phir, yeh
Oxford kya hai?

CIRCUIT: Bole toh,

simple hai bhai,

Ox mane Bail,
Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh
Bailgaadi.:-:-P

WTF SHAKESPEARE Said ...!!

SHAKESPEARE Said ...!!

.

.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"Meri Maa ki Kasam Maine Itni Baate Nahi Kahi .........

Ye Log Khud Se hi Bana Bana Ke Kehte Hai .........

FUNNY ULTIMATE TRUTHS

FUNNY ULTIMATE TRUTHS :

1. Whenever I Find The Key To Success,
Someone Changes The Lock.

2. The Road To Success Is Always Under Construction ;)

3. In Order To Get A Loan,
You First Need To Prove That You Don't Need It :p

4. All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married :p

5. Once You Have Bought Something,
You Will Find The Same Item Being Sold Somewhere Else At A Cheaper Rate :D

Enjoy Life ! :)

THINK BIG, LIVE DIFFERENT

Ek Sach Chupa Hota Hai:-
Jab Koi Kisi Ko Kehta Hai Ki
"Mazak Tha Yaar"
.
.
Ek Feeling Chupi Hoti Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Mujhe Koi Farq Nahi Padta"
.
.
Ek Dard Chupa Hota Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Its Ok"
.
.
Ek Zarurat Chupi Hoti Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Mujhe Akela Chhod Do"
.
.
Ek Gehri Bat Chupi Hoti Hai:-
Jab Koi Kehta Hai
"Pata Nahi"
.
.
Ek Samundar Chupa Hota Hai Bato Ka:-
Jab Koi
"Khamosh Rehta hai''

WTF TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) What r u doing? 
Ans. : Business 
Tax :PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX! 

2) What r u doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) From where r u getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) What r u getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax

5) Where u Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Do u have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8) Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

9) r u taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Where r u taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) r u going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Hav u taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) How come u got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Do u have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Hav u purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) How u Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

19) Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

20) Are you want growth of india.?
Ans: offcource Yes .

Pay electricity tax,wate tax, education tax, &other tax ,which is used by defulter people.

21) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!......
Jago indian jago....
varna yaha saans lene par bhi tax lagega....

A couple Fighting on phone

A couple Fighting on phone
Girl: I know u dont love me now :

you love somebody else
Boy: I also know dat u dont love me :(
...
Girl: I'm breaking up with you go
to the person whom you love :'(
(Girl cuts the phone, and boy
callher again and at the same time
girl call hers)
(The number you have dial is
busy)
(Girl calling him
Boy picks her call)
Girl: Who is the bitch you were
calling? :q
Boy : it was you :P

Chuthiya banna h?

GuJrat kI lAdki 'Dhokla' baNati hai.

SOutH ki lAdkI 'Dosa' baNAti hAi.

PuNjaB kI lAdkI 'Lassi' baNAti Hai.

&

BBM/WhatsApp kI laDki ''Chuthiya'' bAnAtI hai.=)) :p =))

A dozen FBI agents

An old man lived alone in an American town.

His only son was in prison. The oldman wrote a letter to his son

Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year.
I’m just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot.
If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love,
Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

‘For Heaven’s sake, Dad,
don’t dig up the garden !! That’s where I buried the GUNS !!’

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what had happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son’s reply was:
‘Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I could do for you, from here.’

MORAL: NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEPFROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS, NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS...

fuck off condition

Wife(sms): Hi baby.

Husb: Hiii honey..(sending ­ failed)

Wife: R u there??

Husb: Yes yes...im here...(sending ­ failed)

Wife: R u ignorng me or wat??

Husb: Honey im nt..i m ryt here.. (sending failed)

Wife: Its over..dnt evr talk to me again!

Husb: Marja kameeni (message sent)..
Aadmi galat nahi hotta, haalaat galat hotte hain..

KUTTE K BACHE

A chinese was in hospital, Santa went to meet
him
.
.
. .
.
Chinese said :"CHING CHONG MOU CHU CHA and
died :/
.
. .
.
.
.
Santa went to china to know the meaning The meaning was
.
.
.
.
. .
.
KUTTE K BACHE OXYGEN K PIPE SE APNA PAIR
UTHA :P :D :-P

CID KA ACP tha toilet me..

Exam tha sar par aur bachonne padhna chor diya...

Wah Wah..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Exam tha sar par aur bachonne parna chor diya..
.
.
.
CID KA ACP tha toilet me..

Aur DAYA ne darwaza tod diya..:p

stands up, picks her up, & kisses her

Boy: are you ready babe?.
Girl; yeah, im nervous though.
Boy; dont be nervous itll be okay.
Girl: what if they dont like me?
Boy: my parents wont like you.
Girl: what.?
boy: theyll love you baby, stop being so insecure, youre beautiful & you have amazing personality.
Girl: awhh, ready to go?
boy: i need to ask you something first.
Girl: hmm?
boy: *got on his knees* i dont want to take my girlfriend to meet my parents, i want to take my fiance. Will you marry me?
girl: omg. Yess.
Boy: *stands up, picks her up, & kisses her*

moka or zaroorat

Girl:
Agar mauka mila to tum mujhse shadi karoge…??.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy:
Agar mauka mil gaya to phir shadi
karne ki kya zaroorat hai...!

sone par loan

Aaj fir santa ne kamal kr diya
.
.
.
.
Bank me jake so gya
.
.
.
.
kyon???
.
.
.
Kyunki
.
.
.
Usne Board par padha tha
.
.
.
.
Yaha SONE par LOAN milta hai :-D :-D

Kaminey dost WTF!!!!!!

Kaminey dost:

Boy: agar wo meri nahi huyi to main
use kisi or ki bhi nahi hone dunga!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Friends: Aur agar teri ho gayi to sabki
hone dega?? :) :)

WTF tumhi ho???????

tum hi ho
tum hi ho
GHANTA tum hi ho bc
jha dekho tum hi ho,tum hi ho
saala fb pe page ban gya 12 lakh + likes aa gye
kaam waali bai bhi gaa rhi h tum hi ho, ab tum
hi ho
sabji wala sabji chodke gaa rha h
meri aashiqui ab tu hi ho
wtf ^-^
dimag khaa rkha h iss gaane ne mhine se
jale pe namk chidak rha h
har page har kisi ka status
tum hi ho bas tum hi ho
abe tu h koun

FACTS about IPL 6

FACTS about IPL 6  (Made By Me)

RCB can't defend even 200

SRH can't score even 120

CSK can chase even 240

RR - 'Rajinikanth' in Jaipur

SRH can defend even 100

RCB = Royal Chris Bengalore

PWI = 263 runs :P khikhikhi..

CSK - Plays with 15 guyz (9 batsman 6 bowlers)

MI = Unluckiest team ( Chokers)

KXIP = K3G (Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham)

KKR = KKBG (Kabhi Khushi Bohot Gham)

DD = No Comments :P

dulhe ko hi rona he

Behan Ki vidaai Mein Uska Chhota Bhai Bola;
" Papa, didi Roo Rahi Hain, Dulha To Nahi Roo Raha. . "
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Papa; Beta, didi to sirf GATE tak Rooyengi . .
uske bad to sirf dulhe ko hi rona he.

Smart propose by a boy

Smart propose by a boy to his girl friend..
.
.
He wrote on a paper -
"will u marry me...??"
.
.
And gave 3 options to girl,
.
A- Yes
.
B- A
.
C- B

Fucking Robot

Baap Ne Ek Robot Liya, Jo Jhuth
Bolne Pe Phappad Marta Tha.
Beta Ghar Aaya..
Baap: kaha gaya tha
Beta: dost ke ghar
Baap: kya kar rha tha
Beta: movie dekh rha tha
Baap: konsi?
Beta: english
Robot slaps the boy
Baap: batao konsi wali?
Beta: ok!! Porn!!
Baap: main jab tumhari umar ka
tha tab mujhe porn ka matlab bhi
nai pata tha
Robot slaps the man!!
Mom: Aakhir Aapka hi to beta
hai!! haha
Robot slaps the woman.. :-D :-D

FUCKING PRICE By A Girl

Maine Poocha; Darling Keemat Kya Hai Tujhe Paane Ki?

Aur Uss Behen Ki Laudi Ne Poori Rate-List Hi Thama Di.

Kameez Utaarne Ke Rs.50.
Salwar Utaarne Ke Rs.90.
Bra Utaarne Ke Rs.150.
Panty Utaarne Ke Rs.350.
Nange Badan Par Letne Ke Rs.400.
Kiss Karne Ke Rs.300.
Hilaane Ke Rs.500.
Nipple Choosne Ke Rs.800.
Choot Chaatne Ke Rs.1000.
Chodne Ke Rs.1500.
Gaand Maarne Ke Rs.1750.
Aur Phir Bhosdi Wali Boli
Sirf Aapke Liye 5%Discount Kyunki Aap Naye Grahak Hai.:p

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